lockjessie

Shifted!

2010-02-26T15:23:00.002+08:00

Please visit http://lockjessie.wordpress.com. ^_^

feels good to be home.

2010-02-25T16:53:00.004+08:00

today i went to bai tai sui. actually i dont know what is this 'thing' behind bai tai sui. but my mum say everybody must bai, so i went with my granny and bro. my mum and sis yesterday bai already. actually i never really go think about which zodiac bad in which year all that, like predictions for your horoscope for the whole year. because this kinda thing, it's not just all predestined ba. i think it all depends on your own thinking, your own attitude, which results in your actions - and your actions are the key to whether like, things in your life will go well or go badly. but well just bai lo.

and i hope my granny wont feel that she is a trouble to any of us. yes, sometimes i may get irritated by her and the things she say and her attitude sometimes; but she is still an elderly and a family member so walking slow and having to hold her every step she walks down is not a trouble at all. and its really been so long since i hung out with my little bro and i dont really talk to them at home so i often neglected the fact which i just realized today, that - my little bro is growing up! i dont know what else i can do for him. all i can think of is, buying his favourite ice cream for him, buying his necessities, buy him what he want, treating him to a meal? the first meal i treated him was on his birthday last year. because i start working and have my own income, so i can do a little something for him which i have never done so as a big sister. i hope he will grow up happily and be proud when he mentions his big sister. i love everybody ok, even though i dont show it out or say anything. but his attitude quite guai lan la. so i told him today, "anybody bully u, u call er-jie, i settle for u" :D

i am getting used to my fringe already! ^__^ at least i feel better like when eating and when doing housework because my fringe wont be blocking me and i have to pin up or use a hair band. now i just leave it as it is! lower my head while walking down the stairs also dont have to use my hand to hold my fringe up anymore! :D granny say i look better with this fringe, at least can see my face properly. bro say i look weird. cousin say i look like little girl. jiahui say i look like my sister. my sister say i copy her because she cut bangs like i think got a month ago le ba. julia laughed the moment she saw me. derek say look cute, but like china doll. OMG. i already got mistaken as a china girl before leh. with this hair, worse. I AM NOT CHEENA OK.

i wonder what will baby say when he sees me tomorrow. hee ^__^

bang bang shoot u!

2010-02-24T21:34:00.002+08:00

reason for my entry title:
i remember last time, before baby and i were together, his msn personal message was "shoot me" - i dunno for wad reason though. so i msn him randomly and said, "bang bang shoot u!" because he say shoot him ma. hehe ^__^

so this is how i look with my new fringe. still kinda not used to it yet. i got this friend of mine who just cut bangs recently too. me, too, am very particular with my fringe. always didnt dare to touch it but - always wanted a change of fringe style. been wanting bangs but nv dared to try. dunno y had this urge to walk into the salon yesterday. i watched with my own eyes, my long long fringe got snipped off and dropping off. but ok... i shall slowly get used to this. paid cy's mum a visit this afternoon and she said i look different too. had a chat with her too. glad to know that she's still doing well. ♥

met up with julia after that to shop for cosmetics. above are my loots from etude house and body shop. so happy! ^_^ really grateful to her for taking time out to help me. had dinner at ichiban sushi and home sweet home after that. time to rest. wonder wad shld i do tmr. heh!

♥

2010-02-24T12:40:00.000+08:00

OMG

2010-02-23T20:47:00.002+08:00

omg, tweety bird is actually a boy. WTF.
omg, i am still having running nose since yesterday. FML.
omg, i cut bangs. FML x2.

break week day 1

2010-02-22T21:49:00.004+08:00

waking up early, enjoying lazing around at home. ^__^ did "spring cleaning" today. threw away the old stuffs, found those fond memories - secondary school, poly, and relationship. sneezing the whole day due to the dust too. :(

i gotta feeling

2010-02-21T23:08:00.002+08:00

suddenly it feels weird. because by now i shld hv been asleep. usually when baby call, i will turn off my laptop immediately and we'll chat until his lights out timing and we'll slp tgt. but tonight, this week, i dun hv to wake up early because my new work commences only next week. this week is time for me to take a gd break and pamper myself a little at home. but from fri night i alr kinda start missing those people. and when i start work in a new environment, i still feel scared. i dun really like changes in my life. but i guess its just part and parcel of life that everybody has to go thru. i am really looking forward to starting my new job and really work for what i want.

if only baby didnt hv to serve the army.

short weekend

2010-02-21T14:04:00.003+08:00

woah baby finished his route march at close to 10 and he booked out only after 12am! the mosquitoes at the bus stop outside his camp must be damn happy because they got to suck my blood. sat there watching lizards trying to eat mosquitoes flying around too. i think i saw a bat.

caught Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief yesterday afternoon at cine. awesometastic! i heard the storyline was not that good but it was not so bad la just that maybe those bad guys died too easily. now i keep remembering medusa's face. it was so disgusting. maybe.... percy shld have killed hades, reach olympus late because of a tougher fight with luke, so because he was late then the gods fought! shld let zeus and poseidon fight! and when they finally knew the truth that percy wasnt the lightning thief, zeus shld have fought luke's father! and the ending part, poseidon and percy shld have hugged. more fighting nice. wa but when percy controlled the water, it was so beautiful. so cool, u touch the water and ur wounds heal immediately. can even heal people. ah, percy and annabeth shld have got together in the end. like, live happily ever after. :P but i still liked the movie! next week must catch little big soldier. Iron Man 2 and Ip Man 2 are coming out! and saw the trailer of Crash of the Titans, seemed nice. ♥

my last day :)

2010-02-19T20:21:00.004+08:00

i dunno if any of my dear friends there will chance upon my blog one day, but i still would like to express my deepest gratitude to every single one of them -
for all the help they have given me thus far;
for all the patience they have shown all the while;
for all the things that they have taught me during my 9 months of service.

thanks pauline for the very nice earrings;
thanks wendy for the treat;
thanks geraldine for listening to me pour my sorrows;
thanks audrey for the watch;
thanks rachelle for the hp accessory;
thanks yoke hoi for the handmade chocolate cakes;
thanks margie for the handmade windmill;
thanks agnes for the tiramisu chocolates;
thanks all for the farewell treat at crystal jade;
thank you everyone :*

the past 9 months of working experience has been a fulfilling one though not always happy. i have learnt a lot, and i have also made wonderful friends. friends whom i can confide in; friends who are always there to lend a helping hand.
i will never forget our daily breakfast trips to kopitiam;
our daily 3pm coffee breaks;
our daily afternoon little gossip sessions around audrey and my workstations;
our lunch breaks together;
walking over to nus just to get their tea;
going out for lunch at holland v;
munching at the round table together and taking photos :)

i will drop by to visit if time permits. awaiting for the next time i am seeing them - kbox on 6 mar. dun forget, girls! ♥

Its friday tmr :)

2010-02-18T22:22:00.002+08:00

Happy cos its my last day tmr;
Happy cos i am seeing bi tmr;

But when the news of bi's 7-day field camp in march came, my heart just dropped >:(

last day

2010-02-16T17:07:00.003+08:00

Went visiting the past 2 days. Gathering at daryl's place last night, i lost quite a lot of money. Gambling is not gd, next year dun wanna gamble anymore. Last day of holidays, back to work tmr. Back to camp tonight for Bunbun. Wish we could spend more time together.

Last 3 days of work. Countdown!

happy chinese new year and vday :)

2010-02-14T01:05:00.003+08:00

happy chinese new year to everyone :)
hope everything goes well for everybody, for me and baby too of course.

and happy vday to all lovers and singles out there :)

caught true legend with baby earlier at jurong point. it was good! i quite liked it. but the fighting were a little scary la. like pain. and sounds of the swords and stuffs. dun really like. the fighting and action all make me super gan jiong and my palms got sweaty. hee. but anyway, good movie! just that jay's appearance is like redundant... dun like his chinese pronounciation and his 'zhuai' faces and actions.

this yr dun really hv the cny mood nor the vday mood. dunno y. maybe cos both fall on same day? or maybe cny doesnt mean that much to me anymore. its just visiting and visiting, asking abt yr updates and all the formalities... unlike for kids. it means ang baos and food and fun.

hitting the sack.

Its our relationship, not yours

2010-02-09T22:41:00.003+08:00

I thought i can just set our photo albums and blog to private such that only bi and i can see and read. But there is someone else who can access these and i think its like invading our privacy. Y cant we have control over our own lives and our own relationship? Y must someone/some ppl poke their nose into everything and ask every single little detail? Cant we just be treated like a normal 20 or 21 yr old adult?

There is someone that i just definitely cant stand. I wish she was just less annoying and irritating. I wish i can vent my anger and frustrations now.

Work and relationship

2010-02-08T22:19:00.004+08:00

I am counting down my last 7 working days. Then i will be taking a very short one week break to rest, recharge, and prepare to start afresh and work hard! Starting new job at a new place in a new month! What a gd beginning. :) I hope things go well. For work and for relationship. Of course, i wish to receive blessings for bunbun and i.

Goodnight. I hope the headaches go away.

Other than the stupid virus that has been bugging me...

2010-02-05T11:44:00.002+08:00

Life's good. :)

another week starts again

2010-02-01T12:34:00.003+08:00

been having running nose the past few days, and blocked nose, which made me cant slp well. then last night my voice started to change.. until today, i have lost my voice :( sucks to be unable to talk. and my gum is swelling too. pls let me get well soon. cny is coming! my online shopping loots are arriving soon! :)

i saw this last thurs. beautiful isnt it?

tgif tomorrow!

2010-01-28T22:45:00.002+08:00

10 adjectives for Mdm "Toilet"

1. Fucking nasty old woman
2. Disrespectful
3. Ridiculous
4. Bossy
5. Unreasonable
6. Complain Queen
7. Does not give people chance to explain/clarify/speak
8. Treats everyone like shit
9. Full of herself
10. Senile

During training she mentioned the Singapore is a fine society but it is definitely not true because there are people like her who exists! She also mentioned don’t do anything bad.. Because when people hear your name they will run away. She say she will feel sorry for them if they are like that. Ha! I already feel sorry for her, because she is like that and YET she doesn’t know it at all!

on a happier note, happy bday to cy :) i wonder how it feels like to turn 21. will we feel old? its my turn soon but not so soon. hehe.

had dinner at astons at the cathay. argh the food sucks. its only my 2nd time there. i think the 1st time wasnt so bad, couldnt rmb wad i ordered then though. he got pepper fish so this time i got salmon spag since he got wad i wanted. the spag sucks, too soft and not "shuang kou" enough. and the salmon is yucks one. then i ordered their french fries for extra side dish. its just like normal macdonald fries then sprinkle lots of chilli powder and mix 'em around and there you go. ugh. and after the meal, i lao sai twice. once there and now once, at home.

sorry cy, if i spoilt your dinner. i didnt know the food there would turn out like that. and i didnt know i would ger diarhoea after that, leaving u there. but hope you understand my thought.

happy birthday to you once again :)
bestest wishes from me ^^

Sunday...

2010-01-24T21:57:00.002+08:00

dinner at sakae on friday night. took a photo of one of the interesting soup i drank that night. had lunch with my family at depot heights area. and the work week starts yet again.

time is never enough.

one of the worst days of my life

2010-01-21T20:30:00.002+08:00

wronged.
accused.
frustrated.
helpless.
sad.
angry.
headache.
stressed.

which of them describe how i am feeling?
all of the above.

this place is killing me.

another day gone (:

2010-01-19T20:21:00.000+08:00

nobody's gonna love me better, i must stickwitu forever~
nobody's gonna take me higher, imma stickwitu~
you know how to appreciate me, i must stickwitu my baby~
nobody ever made me feel this way, imma stickwitu~

this job, this place, is really getting on my nerves, affecting my brain and emotions and health. i sleep with anxiety every night if i need to see loo the next day - and practically she wants to see me every single day doing the same thing so i just lose sleep every night. i wake up and come to work with fear every morning because working for her always feels so stressful, like you are scared of just typing a word wrong in email or JUST NOT PICKING UP HER CALL. i am not a person with a lot of patience, neither do i have very high tolerance level.. she is really giving me headaches and gastric pains and makes my emotions unstable. i am so getting outta here man...

i woke up especially early today, even my granny also surprised why im up so early. i left house especially early today, but still ended up late. i guess things just happen.. and most of the time when you dont want it to happen, it just happens to happens. is fate playing with me? i wonder.

saw an old lady fall down this morning, so heart breaking. i know how to feel for them, but when it comes to actions.. i dont know how to show my concern and dont know how to be a better person. even to my family. but i do cherish them alot. every time i see an elderly outside, or an old grandma/grandpa with a kid, i feel sorry... and sympathize them. ah, life.

i must push myself to wake up tomorrow!

2010-01-18T23:16:00.001+08:00

and kill the nasty old woman :p

i am..

2010-01-18T23:15:00.000+08:00

deciding on a new phone and a new laptop. :)

a beautiful story

2010-01-18T20:57:00.000+08:00

I arrived at the address where someone had requested a taxi. I honked but no one came out. I honked again, nothing. So I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets..

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, and then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the cab.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'....
'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.
'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico..

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.
'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said...

'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

Sunday ):

2010-01-17T20:44:00.004+08:00

weekends always fly. i hate sundays. the only day that i will look forward to is friday. but why, must friday be so close to sunday and monday?

this weekend was quite well spent. i learnt how to play a new game, risk. and i ended up being the winner, i conquered 2 continents! hee. but of course thanks to the help of everyone in the beginning of the game. im too stupid to play such strategy games. but yea we played until like 4am+ in the morning lol. everyone was damn shag.

its monday, again. and its work, again.
i wish i was back to schooling days sometimes. or at least wish i was at another place.

my gastric and stomach havent been well since saturday night. wonder what went wrong. now its starting to hurt again. this time i think its the gastric. i was in so much pain last night that i could hardly stand or talk and i felt like vomiting on the cab home. and when i eat something i'd feel a little pain too. varies. ah pls let there be nth wrong. there are still things that i havent do and dreamt that havent come true.

Long weekend ♥

2010-01-14T19:57:00.003+08:00

no news from them, i should have known :(

anyway seems like the train crowd is getting worse. and i was and still am disgusted by the sight of the human jam every morning and afternoon and evening and night. i understand..that maybe you are in a hurry or you just wanna get home quickly but dont the others want the same too? just dont push, whats so difficult about that? and wait, for maybe a minute for the passengers to alight..will 1 minute kill? and move in, you only have to move yr precious gold-made feet a few steps into the middle of the train so that more people can enter, whats so difficult about that?

standing right in front doesnt mean you will get in first anyway. sometimes the crowd in front of me got into the train so im left there, in the front, waiting for the other train but guess what.. sometimes im still the last to enter because while i stand aside for people to come out, people behind me already come before me and going in from the middle and then the people inside have a hard time coming out. what do you gain from that?

i wonder.

efforts paid off (:

2010-01-13T19:54:00.002+08:00

i have been very hardworking sending out resumes and got disheartened because i didnt receive any replies so i stopped. finally my efforts paid off! (: i got a reply and am asked to go for a test, but it happens to fall on a monday and i have an important meeting which i have to be there. i really really dont wanna miss this wonderful opportunity.. it might just be a dream come true! :( now im waiting for their reply.. *cross fingers*

The past 7 months

2010-01-12T20:27:00.005+08:00

the best thing that happened to me in the past 7 months in nuh, is getting to know these wonderful people - who help me out when i need help; who listens to me; who gives me good advises in times of need. thank you:)

i saw a patient today, looking sick and sad, and her maid was next to her, playing the buddha songs/chantings on a small player next to her. this scene reminded me of my aunt. i know she is doing better because there's no more suffering.. but i can feel the loneliness of her absence. each time i see uncle at my place, i cant help but feel sadder. he misses her, everyone else too.

life's fragile and unpredictable. i'm scared. :(

&...

2010-01-10T20:34:00.001+08:00

it's sunday yet again. i hate sundays.
because it means end of happy weekends and beginning of work. :(

I need a monitor / new laptop!

2010-01-07T19:49:00.002+08:00

okay, i am proud to announce that my laptop screen is officially dead. well maybe not exactly dead but, its all red and pink and bright and little blur. i really have no idea wad am i gonna do without my laptop.

anyway, the week is ending. yay!

Happy New Year

2010-01-04T20:57:00.001+08:00

although its like the 4th day of the new year already.

kbox

2009-12-31T13:10:00.002+08:00

i went to kbox at clementi last night and realized their system changed, like the screen and all. which become more like party world. and i prefer their old system, which was more user friendly easier to use.

had a great night's sleep. countdown tonight! :D

I had a bad day

2009-12-29T20:11:00.005+08:00

Work sucks big times.
some people just are not aware of their attitude and things they do. fickle minded, indecisive, demanding, and put words into others' mouths. always insisting that they are right, always dont listen - thats the worst. it doesnt hurt to listen first before you insist on yourself being correct. and be less demanding. and at least be kind enough not to frame people so that they can take the blame for you. you are the reason why i cant stand being around. im leaving, and thats that.

Next, following up from my previous entry - that person should know by now already.
all i wanted to know was why you had to lie to me about staying home instead of being like super sporty and "on" my plans for xmas eve. i did not ask bout xmas night itself but you kept explaining that; neither did i ask bout tonight but you kept explaining that. its about why you had to lie. everyone have their own financial problems, that one i can fully understand. but did you have to lie? if thats the case, how would i know which other times did you lie to me?

and about the spare tyre topic, you yourself should know best if you even read my text properly word by word. i have said my piece, whether you realize it or not its not my problem anymore. ranting doesnt do me any good. why would i wanna do something that will push someone away from me? but i feel cheated. all the time.

And next, i had a quarrel with someone else 2 weeks ago and we havent been speaking to each other. no, i am not gonna apologize for something that i have not done and whats worse is she should be the one apologizing to me for blaming me for something which i never did; and accusing me even though i explained myself very clearly; and for insisting on her crazy excuses and attitude.

Well, lucky for me i have my miracle happy pill to cheer me up. ^^

today its about people

2009-12-28T19:05:00.002+08:00

i dont like ranting about people but sometimes these people just contradict themselves and i just cant help but feel irritated. like example: if A doesnt wanna go out with B, A doesnt have to come up with excuses such as A has something on at home/is going to stay at home BUT went out with C & co. instead. even if A wants to lie to B, A should jolly well not blog about it or post photos on facebook. because it would be like super obvious? else it would be coming up with excuses such as no money/i am broke/no mood for that day or event. is it that hard to tell somebody you dont wish to go out with him/her? i think lying is worse than rejecting in the face. BAD enough? - NO. the WORSE thing is A end up being sarcastic and all, telling B things like yeaaaaaa i should have went out with you that day because blah blah blah yadah yadah abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. save the bullshit, shut your gap and stop your nonsense will do. and the WORST thing of all is that B is stupid enough to go for all A's bullcrap and stand up for A to others. is B dumb or dumb? DUMB.

anyway, the day was good.
cant wait for thursday to come ^^

Tick tock

2009-12-27T14:09:00.003+08:00

"I see you."

snooker and number ball at beauty world. now i know how to play snooker! :D
steamboat at tiong bahru. craving!
avatar at gv tiong bahru, awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to the max!!!

hohoho!

2009-12-25T10:22:00.000+08:00

merry xmas!

it was the best xmas eve ever!

the reason why i am still up is....

2009-12-23T23:50:00.002+08:00

because i got too excited decorating my restaurant on facebook..
i finally had like close to 300k and now im left with 20k after all the decorations. and im good to my employees ok! i gave them uniforms and since its christmas period, all of them are santa/santarinas! ^^ but the outside and inside are of so different concepts. outside is castle-like :x i dun even know why i am blogging about it. i just have more things to say when im really tired and i really am tired now.

cant stop the excitement and anxiety because tomorrow is the day, finally! ♥

and,
i have watched the movie - bodyguards and assassins. it is so not worth watching. donnie yen's so noob in this movie compared to ip man. and the story was quite boring until the fighting parts which were a little bit more exciting - just a little. okay im really tired. hope everybody enjoy their half-days tomorrow.

Yay!

2009-12-23T20:17:00.002+08:00

my dress from queendora has arrived!
and a pleasant surprise from wilson today :) i had to see the doctor today and he accompanied me and then he brought me to meet someone he is buying a dress from. he told me it was going to be for his girlfriend so i went along. then we met that lady and finished the deal and walked to a corner cause i forced him to check the dress first in case there are any holes or anything then i saw the dress and i said "wa! not bad eh!" then he said "really ah? give you lor" i was shocked and i say later his girlfriend scold him. then he told me it was bought for me. super surprised!! i didnt expect it at all and i didnt get him anything!! and he really paid attention to what i said when we went shopping last saturday..and he got me the kinda dress that i liked! so super sweet of him!

hope he hears something from the job he went for interview few days ago :) thank you laopo! hee love you!

anyway i am so looking forward to tomorrow!! the long awaited day for 2 bloody long weeks! feels like a month has past! cant wait to enjoy this long weekend and christmas :)

Yours truly

2009-12-22T23:24:00.004+08:00

Blood tests, injections. :(

Last entry of the week, it's going to be a great and long weekend.
Shopping today, alone. Total damage $50 on things that are not for myself.

So here in advance, I'd like to wish all my friends and friends' friends and everyone
Merry Christmas and Happy blessed New Year :)
May all be safe and happy, may your wishes come true ^^

Happy birthday to Daryl <3

2009-12-21T12:16:00.004+08:00

Sissy is back with goodies. I got a pair of chio boots and a bottle of Absolut Peach. ^^

great weekend?

2009-12-20T22:34:00.002+08:00

Total damage for today is 140 bucks. Worth it.
Damn looking forward to christmas and the coming long weekend. It's gonna be a fucking great one. :)

Friday night

2009-12-19T15:13:00.001+08:00

Club mango, Plasma.
My stomach is empty since last night. Need lots of food now. :D
Shopping later with my Mr. wifey. Tata~

True Blood

2009-12-17T15:10:00.002+08:00

Godrick is my new love. :)
But he just burst into flames.

*Oh i just cant wait for Season 3.

what i'm up to these days?

2009-12-13T19:14:00.003+08:00

this is what i have been up to :)

Flyyy

2009-12-09T09:16:00.001+08:00

Big sister has left for the land of ah tiongs for her school trip. When will it be my turn to take the aeroplane? :(

2009-12-06T21:18:00.002+08:00

I hate having flu.
I hate to be sick.
I hate work!

Selling Nokia E63 (Red)

2009-12-01T23:35:00.004+08:00

I am selling a BRAND NEW Nokia RED E63.
Comes with 1GB Memory Card, Charger, Earpiece, Wireless Bluetooth Headset and 1 Year Warranty.

Interested parties, do drop me an email @ jessielock@live.com with your offer. :)

P/S: Meetup cash transactions only. Strictly no bank transfers.
Thank you. :)

tonight's a great night

2009-12-01T22:30:00.004+08:00

save the cheerleader, save the world
:)

He texted me today. :)

hello december :)

2009-12-01T06:23:00.002+08:00

"Confused much, Scorpio? When it comes to your romantic affairs you are having a very difficult time right now deciding which way is up. You may have been sending some messages or communication that have not been received, or at least it feels like this to you. This is a situation where yes, your messages have been received but your desired recipient is currently in a holding pattern when it comes to you, and this does not mean they have given up. Your heart is not deceiving you in this case, so you want to pay careful attention to how it is guiding you in this period. This is not a case where you are being ignored, but rather put on the back burner for the time being. Remember that if others inadequacies are making you question things or become confused, their emotional junk belongs to only them. You don't need to carry anyone's stuff but your own."

My love horoscope for today is so true. I have indeed been sending messages and it feels like i am being ignored because he seems to read everything except the most impt thing in the message. He needs time, so i am giving him now. But wow, it's so amazingly true today.

special heart

2009-11-30T22:39:00.002+08:00

2009-11-29T18:55:00.003+08:00

"i could see in your eyes, that you honestly believed that i didn't want you anymore. the most absurd, ridiculous concept - as if there were any way that i could exist without needing you."

New Moon & Play.

2009-11-29T18:38:00.003+08:00

you're the best, and yes, i do regret
how i could let myself let you go
now, now the lesson's learned

AX for him. Purpur for myself. And a bag. With an alcoholic night.

ph shopping

2009-11-28T13:03:00.002+08:00

i finally got a necklace with lock & key :)

Humanity

2009-11-25T22:49:00.004+08:00

me and my new hair band

my loots from the monthly bazaar - ahgogo hairband and tweety bird nail clipper

i have 3 free gifts :D

outside plaza sing

hearts all the xmas decos and trees :D

had dinner with my colleagues at chilli padi. not bad la i would say but not much variety of food and i am so sick of eating kuehs. the soup was fantaaaastic i kept drinking until now i burp also got the soup smell salty salty de. total of 10 ppl i think. and we were having so much fun talking and laughing there. we should do it again :)

last day of work for the week tomorrow, tgit? thank god its thursday :D it's public holiday on friday so wishing everybody happy long weekends! :D

typical tuesday night

2009-11-24T22:59:00.003+08:00

i really dislike taking trains in the morning. when u board the train, dun just look left and right and take ur time to walk in/choose which side u wanna go to. both sides are the same, got space jus stand becos u will still get to alight and people behind u need to board the train. and dun jus stand at the door becos even if u stand inside, u also will get to alight. also when the train haven stop and its very squeezy alr, dun need to excuse me 5mins before the train enter the station. u will get ur chance to alight.

a friend's msn nick says "it's better to give than to receive"... quite true indeed.

i wanna be the one who makes u laugh when u're about to cry
i miss the lips that made me fly

holland v, crystal jade, halo bar
with the bff yesterday :)

Talking about anniversaries...

2009-11-23T12:14:00.003+08:00

"Haha we oso 3 yr plus ma lidat! Laogong!"

Plasma

2009-11-22T18:41:00.004+08:00

2009-10-11T23:24:00.002+08:00

Scorpio and Aquarius compatibility cannot reach a high level unless they give some space to each other. Aquarians have the tendency to get irritated very easily. Scorpions are dominating and cannot tolerate Aquarian's mood-swings and love for freedom. Scorpions are also emotionally demanding and Aquairians will find it difficult to live up to their expectations. If there is any glue at all that can keep these two zodiac signs together, it may be their physical relationship.

Compatibility of Aquarius Man and Scorpio Woman
The relationship may have to face a lot of hardships as an Aquarius man is unpredictable and a Scorpio woman is very emotional and demanding. They are very strong and firlmy stick to their words. She expects a lot from her partner and if not receiving the same can turn this relatinship upside-down. To make this relationship successful, a Scorpio woman has to cool her temperament down and accept the man as he is, without much expectations. On the other hand, an Aquarius man also has to make compromises to make her happy.

Thursday

2009-09-17T21:47:00.001+08:00

OT today.
Happy Birthday Daddy.

Very long never call somebody Daddy.

Lg's POP

2009-09-14T12:06:00.005+08:00

050909

Recruit Tan Chun Yik POP lo! :D

Happy 3 years and 5 months baby. Let's make it happen.

Tuesday

2009-09-08T20:40:00.001+08:00

Sian.. The headache is on & off, my temperature is up & down. Don't know what's wrong, waiting to fix appointment with the Neurologist. I want yet don't want to have any problems.

Probably I'm too tired, probably I'm too stressed, probably I have not enough sleep, probably there really is something wrong with me. Can only wait and see.

Am in a dilemma.
What's right and what's wrong? What can I do to turn back time and reverse everything? What can I do to minimize the hurt for everybody? It is all my fault to begin with. I don't know what to do now. I'm at a loss. I'm lost & all alone.

Friday

2009-09-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

The Proposal with the bros. :)

Innocent kite

2009-09-03T20:47:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday to my Cousin. Wanted to get something for her but due to my Aunt's departure, she can't celebrate her birthday and I think I am not allowed to get her presents too. So.. I ended up shopping for myself. =x TGI Friday! Going to the movies with the bros tomorrow night! Always love friday nights, cause that's the only time I get to stay out late. :D

Sian.. I itchy hand go update my PSP to the latest version. Now it's Version 5.51 and I can't play my games! It shows "There are no games" no matter how many times I tried and even tried to format my memory stick. I suck at such technical stuffs so I'd really need some help. :(

do u feel the way i do?

2009-09-02T18:20:00.003+08:00

你们男生就是这么自大! 眼中只有自己的世界!

fall for you

2009-08-29T20:13:00.000+08:00

Kbox yesterday with qing, quan and kenglun. Entered at about 8pm and extended our time all the way to 6am the next morning. Been so long since I enjoyed myself so much lah. But I ended up dozing off with quan. After that went for breakfast with them. Had yummy porridge! But damn shag sia. I only slept for like 1.5hours since I got back. =/

Think positively

2009-08-25T20:34:00.003+08:00

"I know, they fuck."

My marksman is going to POP next week. (:

Bye-bye

2009-08-20T00:19:00.000+08:00

the hardest thing to say, goodbye.

life's unpredictable

2009-08-19T23:41:00.000+08:00

& she's gone, just like that.

its times like this

2009-08-18T22:08:00.002+08:00

sigh. its tuesday and i should be happy because it means time is passing and end of the week is approaching. but i am not happy at all. baby havent had much free time to talk to me since yesterday. he called me secretly last night for that 2 minutes. i miss him so much. and today, till now, still havent heard from him yet. and i dont think we would have time to chat anymore. tomorrow is the start of his field camp. i am not just worried sick about him, but also for myself. i am so used to him in my life, and now all of a sudden he has to disappear for a good 5 days, no communication at all. i really dont like this feeling. ):

my bag died on me today. which gives me an excuse to spend money. been eyeing on this bag since some time ago but couldnt bear to buy it cause i thought i dont really need it that much. but i bought it today. so happy! the whole journey took like 1hr and maybe 15mins? to travel to city hall from work and back home. (:

the only thing that i can look forward to this week, is friday's k session with the guys and jap fest the next day. it's only wednesday tomorrow. feel like shagging myself... i need to constantly keep myself occupied or constantly accompanied by somebody then i feel better. ): it's been 3 months and i am still like this.

talking bout that, this week is an important week for me at work. (: it also made me realize how fast time passed. in the blink of an eye, my work probation is going to be over, baby's going to POP soon. can't believe months just passed like that. great, i hope the 2 years fly this way. (:

2 weeks' torment

2009-08-17T09:09:00.012+08:00

dinner with darling and the guys - jiaqing, yongquan, kenglun and alvin. walked around ion and settled at this AOBA japanese restaurant. i dont think i will be going back there ever. not only was the serving very little, the ramen that i had was super salty. i always loved salty food, like extra salty fries and all that. but the bowl of ramen last night was so salty that i lost my appetite. darling's black pepper pork was just as bad imo. it didnt even taste like black pepper at all. yongquan big eater sia, ramen + another don.

headed to coffee bean to chill, but i preferred starbucks though. laughed like mad during dinner and coffee bean. being with them is always so fun. after that we watched jack neo's new hormedy (horror + comedy) - 吓到笑. ok, i chua tio a few times. scary is quite scary but really is 吓到笑.

darling is going for his outfield on wednesday and he doesnt get to book out this weekend which means i have to wait till 2 weeks later before i can see him again. hope he will be fine. :(

please take care honey. Be safe, Ily. <3

there is never enough time

2009-08-15T20:43:00.005+08:00

baby just left to report at city hall, leaving me alone at home. i wish i have a teleporting capsule, then i can teleport myself to him anytime i want.

this is my pair of broken specs which have been with me for 3-4 years. and there goes my 210 bucks.

had dinner at hk cafe for consecutive 2 nights.

our ying yang drink. dont know why its called ying yang though. but it started to taste bitter towards the end, but baby likes it.

my favourite har gao which was pathetically small and it wasnt available today when baby and i went just now.

his pork chop baked spaghetti which turned out to be chicken.

and my black pepper chicken chop.

the service there kinda sucks. marina square branch, i am so not going back there next time. first, nobody attended to us when we reached when it stated there 'please wait to be seated'. then today we were waiting then this family of 4 just walked in and got their own seats. baby and i got some lousy seats and we requested to change. when the people from the sofa seat table left, the family of 4 shifted there. but in the end, our waitress shooed them away and said we requested first. haha karma. cut our queue still want to snatch our seats.

then they dont even know their own menu. i ordered black pepper chicken and the one below it is black pepper pork. so its 2 different orders. then she came back and asked i want chicken or pork. i ordered chicken obviously i want chicken right. what for i order black pepper chicken chop then tell u i want black pepper pork when they are 2 different orders?

baby's ice ying yang today. he finally recovered from his long cough. so finally can drink cold drinks.

& my lychee tee which was damn sweet.

went to suntec for the toy convention last night with baby too. quite interesting. saw a few stuffs that i wanted to get. like bleach swords (keychains), some pretty files with anime characters, domokun tees! but i am so broke this month to shop. the worst thing is, i forgot what i spent on.

can see my face? :D

iron man!

destiny gundam :D
one of my favourite gundams from baby's collections.

baby and i also have the same gundam shirt which we have not worn out together yet. the night is going to be so boring without him. cant wait to see him tomorrow!

boom boom pow

2009-08-13T19:50:00.006+08:00

it is friday tomorrow again! i am going to see monster tomorrow! :D

back to work after the long weekend. attended the national day observance ceremony and got a singapore flag "tattoo" on my neck. xD i took the photo myself. quite proud of my photography skills. :P

yesterday, wednesday. i broke my specs in the morning! it only dropped lightly from a fairly low height and it just broke into two, beyond repair. collecting new specs tomorrow and i will definitely cherish it man! cost me $210! :(

then at night, i met up with monster's friends to celebrate jiaqing's birthday at glasshouse. dunno why everybody's birthday sure go fish and co.

happy birthday jiaqing! look at his happy face. :D

my sharkie freeze and yong quan's passion fruit. didnt expect mine to be so huge though.

this is of course a must at fish and co! not bad, he still look at my cam for me to take him.

but he damn weak lah. took so long to blow out the candle.

and uhh.. this is their fav face - kenglun's trademark crooked face. handsome to the max lah! xD

cant stop laughing at these 2 photos. kenglun's face so popular?

ahhh..

POOR BIRTHDAY BOY! nice chocolatey face!

wah alvin's face..

hope everybody enjoyed as much as i did. was very happy cos i was asked along despite monster is in camp. they are really great and fun people to be with. :) ah, i am so damn tired today, walked like a zombie. i need my sleep tonight man.

monster is collecting my specs with me tomorrow, yay!

i love you and that's all i really know

2009-08-10T21:54:00.005+08:00

i am back from national day holidays with the monster! it feels really good to be able to spend so much time together again. since saturday, i have been enjoying every second with him! we were literally inseparable. it felt like we didnt leave each others' side before. it felt like the past, when we were spending almost every day together. we may not have much time together, but it will never change anything about our relationship. :)

headed out with his friends on sunday! ryan, wee meng, kah wee, kah wee's girlfriend jeraldine, monster and me. met up at dhoby and we had a quick lunch at long john. it was really a short and quick one, we all had to gobble up our food cos we were running late. but we still ended up late for the movie just by a little bit. we caught UP 3D! it is very nice! although there are maybe a few minutes of boring part, but the others were still damn funny. i enjoyed the movie!

our first 3D movie together, with the special specs. i love this photo! monster darling too. :)

then we headed for some shopping around ion orchard. monster darling and i got gundam shirts, very nice! and they were specially for the 30th anniversary only, so there wont be reprints after this batch of shirts finish. it's nice and comfy and he loves it, so it's worth the money. no wonder there is this idiom called 爱屋及乌. i used to dislike the hobby very much, but i find it quite interesting once i know more about it. and of course, i would wanna share his happiness. so i'm willing to accept anything about him. :)

headed for dinner at Astons. the food was not bad, but the customer service kinda sucked. the first guy who took our order at the entrance had attitude problem, they served the wrong food, there was dirt in ryan's juice, the waitress asked us how many candles we wanna put for the CAKE so loudly when ryan whispered to her (obviously it was supposed to be a surprise for wee meng), and the last waitress took ages to give us our plates for the cake and even gave us those not very clean ones.

but nevertheless, wee meng was still quite surprised with the cake and all. that's enough. :)

end result of the video. :D

we bought the cake (that we used to smach) long before he reached and we passed it around secretly under the table without wee meng noticing. i can't stop laughing at the video. seems like a routine that all birthday boys and girls have to go thru huh. i guess this year all i want for my birthday is to be able to spend the day or a belated celebration with monster darling. that would be good enough. :)

so, happy belated birthday wee meng!
and thank you people for making the day so enjoyable.
most of all, thanks sweetheart because i enjoyed every sweet moment with you. <3

you gotta read this

2009-08-07T23:30:00.002+08:00

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young.

Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.

Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.

For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble
away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure.

Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."

There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night.

I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just
give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing
breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?"
I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out.

Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.

I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?

At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab.

At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was
removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house.

Maybe he really intends to leave me for good.. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."

I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My God, how could this happen?

Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop,
apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside.

As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her... I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly
the killer of his mother..

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in.

I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all. Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am
like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I
have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death.

I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other...

He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.

I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.

As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.

We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him..

From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room.

He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.

He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.

Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain
cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there..

Hubby has also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face....

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is
finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.".........

LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!

***

i saw this story from Mr. Foo's fb so i quoted it here. i cried after reading this. the story really touched my heart and.. if only we always had more patience and communication, maybe some of these things can be avoided.

i will not say i would never do such a thing to monster darling but as long as it is within my capability, i will not put him thru any pain anymore. i have put him thru enough and i have to say, i love this man of mine so much; for being so tolerant, so loving, so understanding, and so faithful; for wanting me, for accepting me, for forgiving me, for understanding me, and for loving me. thank you for loving me, thank you for being you. you are the one i want to change for, you are the one i live for. you are my life, my life is you.

let's live a life devoid of grudges.

august baby

2009-08-07T22:08:00.004+08:00

happy birthday, mei mei! :)

today's mood is bad like shit. but just thinking of my date on sunday perks me up! i think about it everyday because it is like my motivation to look forward to every day. although it is not just the 2 of us, i think it is going to be fun! great movies, great people, great company, great food! i am so excited to see monster darling tomorrow. :D

when baby texted me last night, it was only 12:42am. but i felt like i alr slept for so long that i thought it was alr 4plus in the morning. he was too busy to text me but he remembered our special day. :) of course i had a great sleep after that. then i realized he gotta wake up at 4plus cause he texted me. i couldnt sleep anymore, knowing that my precious had only what, 3 hrs of sleep? :(

tomorrow will be a better day

2009-08-06T21:27:00.002+08:00

i cried during dinner. in the public somemore! throw face throw face.. but i couldnt control at that point of time. it might also be because of the recent incident, where people think that only their lives are imperfect, only their families are incomplete and they only think about themselves. they didnt think that they are not the only ones with incomplete and unhappy family. which set me thinking, because i suddenly realized.. i kind of lost the memory and impression of when my father was still around. it's been 5 years and i thought i was always cool about it but deep down, nobody knows i actually still think of him. which is why i feel sad, because i dont have much memory of how it was like in the past. i also started thinking about my mother, why couldnt i be better. i could have done a better job, she too. who doesnt want to be loved by our mother? i may seem ok, i may look nonchalant, i may say i dont need them but, is that really what i want?

some people really dont deserve to be loved. but i cant be bothered by such people because once bitten twice shy. but for me, once bitten not shy until now twice bitten then start to regret. it goes to show that it is really not worth it at all for some people. but i keep reminding myself, not to hold grudges. it is their lives, their character, in their blood. if they are meant to be this way, then i shall leave them to be. in the end, if they regret in future, it is none of my business anymore. i cant be bothered to care about people who dont appreciate and cherish my feelings. so why should i waste them?

work is getting busy, which i like very much. august is going to be a happy month because there are 2 great weeks! this & next. this week because of our plans during the weekend, i will finally be spending a lot of time with monster darling. and next week because it is going to be a short week due to monday's public holiday in lieu! monster darling is bringing me to the movies on sunday together with his buddies. :D we are going to watch UP 3D! yay! we are going to have the 3D specs and watch the characters come out of the screen! :D im so excited. looking forward to weekends!

it is the time of the month again

2009-08-06T09:00:00.002+08:00

3 years and 4 months :)
to the best man in my life, I love you.

2009-08-05T22:47:00.003+08:00

i wonder why people like to compare how capable and busy their children are. having a very high income doesnt mean you will necessarily be happy. what matters most is being there for one another. i think this video is very heart warming.

& i also wonder why people seem to be illiterate nowadays. like the newly done escalator at buona vista mrt station, there is a sign (which is quite obvious) which says "No Entry" but i dunno if the 2 words are to chim for those people or are they illiterate or blind or just plain dumb. it is nothing much actually, just that these small little things that i see every day happening around me just irks me. same goes to events on the mrt trains. dont even wish to elaborate.

waiting for the clock to strike 12! but i will most probably be asleep by then. hehe.

its hungry day!

2009-08-04T23:25:00.002+08:00

when i reach home from work, i ate a bowl of rice with fish & veggie & shao rou & tofu + a packet of fishball meepok with lots of chilli, and now i feel a little hungry again! either i dont feel hungry at all, or i feel hungry all the time. what is wrong with me? maybe there are worms in my tummy. and after eating so much, all the fats go to the wrong places like the thighs and tummy. i am not very fat now but i still am considered fat. it's the end!

i wonder how it feels like to hold a real rifle and fire real bullets in real life. :D

tuesday is over! tomorrow is wednesday, and then 2 more days to the long weekend!
monster is bringing me to the movies with frenzies! excited! :D

everything about you is love.

monday blues

2009-08-03T22:03:00.002+08:00

facebook is so powerful. seems like the entire world is using facebook. and keeps everyone addicted to the games. my colleagues made me laugh till i cry today. they very cartoon lah. but because of them, work doesnt get boring! monster darling is taking me to the movies this week! :D so long since we been to the movies. but as long as we are together, it doesnt matter what we do. i think everybody would feel the same. :)

i'm calling his phone up just to tell him how much
i really love him 'cause he's everything i want
he listens to me, cares for me so i truly believe
god sent me an angel up from above
that's gonna love me for life
might as well be perfect only because
it's the only way i can describe, so

if this isn't love, tell me what it is
...cause i never felt like this baby, if this isn't love

我问天我问天~

2009-08-02T21:36:00.001+08:00

just came back from monster's place. we went hunting for cheap deals and bought food again! every week buy so much food, no wonder i am growing horizontally. then the maid-look-alike woman who cut my queue, we seem to be fated with her. saw her under monster's block at the coffee shop! heh. helped him polish his shoe but he thinks i am a slowpoke. spent the night covering him up with blanket cos he keep turning until the blanket off. ahh, looking forward to the coming weekend because it is a long weekend! :) he lost weight, see already also feel sad for him. work tomorrow! need to kill my brain cells again because of excel. tsk, irritating!

Miss him alr! :)

2009-08-02T20:02:00.003+08:00

i stopped using my old number in early july.
today is start of august.
i want my number back starting as of august.
but i have to pay $73 for the month of july.

can anyone tell me why the fuck is that?

/update:
i have checked and the $18 which was mailed to me was the fees for transferring ownership which you said you will pay. and it was mailed to me because they said so. and they only mentioned that the subsequent bill, which is the bill for the USE of the number, will be mailed to you. so please do not say that i dont want to pay for what i use. at least i am honest enough not to do that.

i am not acting like a kid by giving then take back. it is because you prove yourself to be irresponsible so i dont want to let someone like this use my number. :)

it's friday once again

2009-08-01T00:30:00.006+08:00

yes! it is one of my favourite day of the week! i think i sucks at excel. i also must buck up and learn alr. or maybe i want to take up some courses to brush up my IT skills. just that i dunno where to find lobang, must start hunting alr. knocked off and headed to orchard w dd and eggy, acc dd do his shopping. quite an eye opener leh, cos i walked into boutiques that i have never entered before. aiya, who cares about brands anyway right. i only want to have 1 piece in my whole life and thats enough.

dinner at waraku, i had udon. the bowl was so big! bigger than my face! i think i can hide my face inside alr. it was a very heavy dinner, a lot of things to eat and i am so full now. cant really get to sleep cos a bit moody. monster maybe afternoon then book out again. sigh, there goes our weekend again lor. hmm but whats impt is the time we get to spend together, even though it is so little. looking forward to next week! national day AND national day holidays! monster and i are going to have a long weekend! tentatively it is like that. depends on his camp though...

(hello august)
time flies. i still remember 18 december 08 and the countdown to 2009 and they seemed like not very long ago. but all of a sudden, we are alr approaching the end of the 2009 calendar year. the time just fly past you without you noticing. and i am reaching the end of my probation soon. judgement day?

P/S: i am not a nurse. doesnt mean that i must be a nurse then can work in a hospital.

i also wanna rant. i dont like it hor, when people turn down the things that he/she ought to do with a reason e.g. broke/not free, but on the other hand is free and loaded to do some other things. take for example A owes B money and A tells B that he/she has no money to return you but then A still go shopping/any other leisure activities. what bullshit is that? very nice to owe people money meh? what does that show of you - you should know better. and i cant believe this is how people can say they are very hardworking in job hunting. e.g. go for 1 interview on monday then never go any more interviews liao. i dont know how these people see it lah but in my point of view, you cant possibly just wait for 1 interview's result for 1 week then within that 1 week just idle around meh? unless those people think that they sure get the job lah. then that will be a different thing. but being confident is good. being over confident is a turn off. you have to take a look at your own working experiences and qualifications first before you think that you will sure get the job, and before you ask for your expected salary. like the chinese saying goes (direct translation): lion open big mouth (shi zi da kai kou). know your limits bah, that is what i think. AND, making empty promises. if you are not capable of doing what you promised to, then dont promise in the first place. it will only make people disappointed. you may feel nothing, but the nothing could be something big to other people. maybe we as humans should learn to put our pride aside sometimes and not always be so full of ourselves.

but i cant keep my hands out the cookie jar

2009-07-29T19:53:00.002+08:00

Sick again. July seems like a very bad month for me. First, the hospitalization incident. Followed by my sprain and then today, fever and throat inflammation. I already felt something wrong with my throat 2 nights ago but I thought nothing of it. I just kept drinking more warm water, hoping more water would help. But it still got worse this morning. I hate pills! Talking about pills, I forgot what time I took them just now... When do I have to take again? Tsk, where is my monster to remind me to take my pills on time?

I think I made monster worry again. But anyway, I am looking forward to the National Day holiday! It is going to be a long weekend with the monster! :) Returning back to work tomorrow, and Saturday is going to be here very soon! That's basically what I think about every single day... About him booking out and looking forward to every weekend when I get to spend time with him.

he wants to be a joke

2009-07-28T22:33:00.003+08:00

well, i guess people are just offering their help so as to make sure nothing goes wrong.. but people take it as lecture. if you had experience before, then i have nothing to say. but if you dont, then shut the f up and listen to people who have been thru it. f-ing throw your damn ego aside and use your brain can? Tsk, makes me wanna laugh at you everytime. laughing stock.

Happy Nurses' Day!

2009-07-28T20:29:00.005+08:00

It's Nurses' Day 2009! I am glad that I can be part of this year's Nurses' Day because I have always thought it's a very meaningful day, even though I can only play a very small small part. Nurses are noble okay. Without them, who's gonna take care of you when you are in the hospital? They are a need, and we should respect them.

There was a charity walk in the morning. Although I hated the idea of walking under the hot sun, I kinda enjoyed it too. Because of the great company, it was quite fun actually. Photo takings of course with the lovely ladies who make me feel happy at work. Honestly, they play a big part in my work life because they make my working life happier. :)

Of course, working at NUH is like an eye opener for me. I get to learn more about the hospital structure and how it goes and of course, I get to see what others don't get to see. Like I went to the OT for an orientation walk, it was really really an eye opener. And that's the gown that we were supposed to wear. Do we look like doctors or surgeons?

Surgeons are also very noble leh I think. Apart from celebrating Nurses' Day, I wonder if there is something called the Doctors' Day or Surgeons' Day because they too play an important part! But I am actually wondering, what kind of mindset and feelings do the surgeons have in mind when they decide to be a surgeon? I am really quite curious.

In the afternoon was a celebration programme. I enjoyed the whole programme because it was so fun! The host was damn awesome! His name was... Justin Dominic something. He speaks very fluently, he can speak very fast, he is very entertaining, he cracks good jokes - like really hilarious ones! Also got to see the other side of the nurses. Seems like there are a lot of hidden talents.

Tuesday is over in the blink of an eye! The only time I look forward to every day and every week, is Saturdays. The day I get to spend time with my monster. :)

Met Jiahui at JP after work last night. I got my items from online shopping! Met up with the seller herself and she is damn chio leh. I like her skin colour and she seems like an interesting girl, the way she decos her room and her wall photos and the whole feeling of her. I also got myself an ESPIRIT wallet and Giodano shorts. Happy!

Jiahui started working too. And she seems to have even lesser time than I do every day after work. So I guess it's going to be hard for us to meet up often since my Saturdays are also spent with the monster. Oh wells, work life! It gets boring sometimes... But there's always something that perks us up. :)

Almost everyone has this bad habit, that we see others' wrongs and all that and we don't see ourselves. We know how to pin point people, but we don't know how to reflect on ourselves. I think time management is very important because it also shows how responsible you are. Keeping promises too, it shows your credibility. But what if a person sucks at time management AND financial management AND keeping promises? I think there is a certain age where you can't just sit at home and do nothing anymore. Why don't those people worry about their future? Why don't they feel awkward staying at home all day, jobless? Don't they find that their lives has no meaning? Plus, spending on the unnecessary and yet don't see their own mistakes - what makes someone like this able to reprimand somebody else; who is making the effort to do something but not him?

Actions speak louder than words.

Monster is going for his field trip soon... Don't know when also. I wonder how I... can take it? Now he still can call me every day... But by then we won't be able to contact for about a week. I think that would be the longest time of separation between us both. The longest separation without contact was merely a few days when he went for holidays. Tsk, I don't like the feeling of this.

But I shouldn't just keep thinking about my own feelings. I think he is feeling as awful as I am. Can see that, when he calls me even if he has only 1 minute of time to talk. He always drops me short texts, and calls to make sure I am alright. I feel so happy to have him. I am glad I decided to wait, I am glad we continued to persevere. I can see it changing, for the better. :)

I love you every day.

it's like we're always running out of time

2009-07-26T17:18:00.003+08:00

so i parted with the man about an hour ago by now. he was released late yesterday due to remedial training and is booking in early today because they have to leave early for training tomorrow. he will be alright, because he is my monster. <3

visited the sinseh yesterday and the "push" did not really relieve much pain at all. so i am given medication which is like one of the worst things i have ever tasted in my life. but i want to recover, so i guess no choice. waited for him to come back at his place and was watching the jap version of meteor garden. heard his footsteps and my heart kinda skipped a beat. then it was beating so loudly and excitedly then it's like jumping out! kidding. just to describe how excited and elated i was.

we went to town for a while and it is enough. to be able to be with him, to be able to feel myself in his arms again, to be able to see him the moment i open my eyes, that is enough. it's like we are always running out of time, because the time we have together is so limited. so we start to cherish every second even more. army seems like a good thing for him though. him being nice to me, i used to take it for granted. now that he is extra nicer, i must cherish it extra more.

i love you, monster.

Push 2009

2009-07-24T23:20:00.005+08:00

Photos credits to Google.
Information about the film: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Push_(2009_film).

I just finished watching this film, Push, and I love it! The story is nice, some parts were really exciting and makes you nervous and I could really hear my heart beating lah. I think I like these kinda psychic stuffs and fighting kind. So violent.

Dakota Fanning starred as Cassie Holmes in the film and she's called a Watcher. She was dressed really hot in the film and she can see the future. She's really cute and she's only 15!

Camilla Belle starred as Kira Hudson and she's hot! I love ladies with bangs. Bangs like hers and Gaga. Not some random bangs. Oh, reminded of some Hermoine-wanna-be-mascot I saw which don't look like at all. But, whatever. Camilla Belle is hot. <3

But I gotta say HE'S HOTTER & HOTTEST! <3 I love MCM (aka MuscleMan) - lol. When I first saw his face I thought he looked so familiar! After I googled and wiki-ed then I found out he's the human torch in Fantastic 4. I love this kinda movies leh. Like, Fantastic 4, this, Watchmen, X-Men, blah blah. Talking about movies, I haven't been to the movies for some time already... And there are movies coming up that I really wanna catch. Fighting is out! Starring Channing Tatum (the guy from Step Up) Waiting for G.I. Joe (Channing Tatum too!) and The Proposal.

'Nuff of movies. Time to finish up Twilight. Been procrastinating...

Endnote:
Monster's booking out in the late afternoon so this weekend's gonna be kinda short.
Sigh. :(

tgif

2009-07-24T18:57:00.002+08:00

its finally friday. i am so bloody tired this week because i havent been sleeping early. must have more self discipline...

work is getting better there. i am looking forward to the opportunities open to me and hope to carry on having this positive attitude. i miss my monster, i cant wait to spend time with him over the weekend.

something's bothering me though.

torture

2009-07-22T22:40:00.003+08:00

Boy you know I miss you, I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now so baby kiss me thru' the phone

finally able to fit into covered shoes, no more pig trotters, no more shrek foot. but ankle still slightly swollen. if saturday still the same, mayb go find sinseh push and hope to end it once and for all. but bad thing abt wearing covered shoes for me is, my feet and toes are big big one. so today my toe nails kept bua and cut my other toe and bled. tmd, socks also got blood. pain pain. and behind also got blisters cos the shoe still quite new. i dun care abt myself. i just wan my monster to be well. get well soon love, <3

hmm. planning for my birthday...

what a wonderful world

2009-07-21T09:12:00.001+08:00

i dont like people with no time management when i alr gave more than enough time for them to be late. please make it on time next time so that i dont have to chop seat becoz its very hard to chop. i sat at a round table enough for 3 ppl with 3 chairs. the uncle die also wan take my chair for other people to sit. ok lor fine. then i diao him of course. when they are reaching, the uncle still wan ppl to sit at my table. i say they reach alr. he say sit awhile only lah! lik that he not happy lor. he go back to the drinks stall and use the table cloth and sweep the ice cubes on the table purposely sweep harder so the ice will fly to my side. childish uncle. dunno what is mean by the seat is occupied meh?
l4d last night was shiok only. always watch monster play versus but i nv hands on before. last night first time, of course i sucked lik shit. but nvm. its fun. and im gg to play it again. :D
mon is gone! here comes tues! tues will be gone very soon too! then comes wed! and thurs and fri! and payday on sat, plus seeing monster on sat! what a wonderful world~

Helpless

2009-07-19T22:29:00.002+08:00

Monster is sick. My heart aches each time he frowns, each time he cough. But their unit, unless u are bed-ridden, u have to report to camp. Is it like a little too inhuman? This weekend felt so short becoz most of the time was spent watching him slp. I hope he recovers quickly and his illness will not worsen. It hurts me so much. :(

I wish i can do smth for him but there is nth i can do. I just hope that he knows i will always be here whenever he need me to be there or to help. I feel so helpless, watching him feeling so miserable and yet all i can do is sit aside and watch him. I love you monster. Always. <3

Good friday!

2009-07-18T12:40:00.002+08:00

It was a good day yesterday. Met up w bff and her friends and headed to ecp. And yeah, bbq. Hope she wont keep saying she isnt a good host becoz it really isnt easy to be a host most of the time. I feel so sorry, becoz i was sucha wet blanket last night. I wanted to go home and everybody had to leave together. Sorry mansxz. Ray came, thanks for everything and sorry to trouble you. All in all, i hope bff enjoyed herself even tho the attendance was pathetic. But what matters is the people right? :)

over loved

2009-07-16T20:40:00.004+08:00

you make it easier when life gets hard,

its not just a saying; neither is it used to put people down; when i or people say love connects our hearts despite us being separated. because to me, i truely feel this way. that if there really is true love, no matter how far apart we may be, our hearts will always be felt by each other; our hearts will always be connected by our love; the love that only both of us share. i dont know why people cant understand. or maybe its just me being too dreamy. but i truely feel that way with monster.

i hear the cadbury advertisement again. my favourite! i like the way their eyebrows "groove" with the music.

it keeps gettin' better

2009-07-15T18:13:00.002+08:00

i was just reading my archives and i realized, there was so much unhappiness between monster and i. so many quarrels, so much sadness and tears. but we got over it, and got better. im so happy to share these memories with him, both good and bad; happy and sad. i will never give him up again.

because i believe

2009-07-15T15:19:00.002+08:00

i choose to believe that every human is kind.
爱真的需要勇气，来面对流言蜚语

took another MC to rest at home today. i guess it must be because i walked too much the past few days so my ankle swelled so badly last night. but the swell has gone down quite a bit. hopefully another day of rest today, my ankle will be much better so that i can resume work tomorrow.

i like it when people are nice, i like people who are nice. but when people are nice, i feel scared. are they really being nice? or are they just putting up an act?

monster called me in the morning. i think i will have some interesting stories to hear from his this weekend. :) he didnt sound good, probably still sick but we didnt have much time to talk. i hope he'll be fine. but its weird; because even so, i still can feel him missing me, even though he doesnt say it out. i think there is no need to spell out our feelings, because it can be felt just by the heart. i should be taking good care of myself so that he will not worry about me.

真的爱不用伪装，不用强求
很轻松就会懂爱的人看着我，想什么

:(

2009-07-14T21:51:00.002+08:00

my ankle is still swollen. in fact i feel that it is back to lik day 1 when i sprained it. now the top not much swollen alr. can see a bit of my veins alr, which is a gd thing. but the ankle thr is still big big popping out. i hate the feeling. past 2 days i feel alright alr. is only when my foot is in the toes pointing down position then i feel pain, which is when walking down the stairs. then also if i walk a bit too much or too long or if i suddenly accidentally exert too much force/energy on it, then will got a very sharp pain for some time but it will go away once i sit down or rest my foot. but now the feeling is different.

put flat on the floor pain. walk normally pain. lift up feel like smth is pulling my ankle down. without moving it also pain. sometimes feel v tight, sometimes feel v loose. but since jensen say its ok for a first time sprain, then i hope it really is ok bah. have to see doc tmr agn, money fly away agn. this month spend so much on medical fees. must slap myself alr. im so scared. worst thing is, i always have monster to acc me and tk care of me. whr is my monster? i want my monster. :(

but monster is not having a gd time either. he's sick, poor dear. weather's kinda bad. i hope he recover soon. i wonder what i can do or get fr him during the weekends to mk him feel better.

blogging at work.

2009-07-14T10:16:00.003+08:00

In the very first place, I don't like people who don't even know me, to talk about me. They want to blog hop, then jolly well keep their mouth shut and keep their comments about others to themselves. What's the point of judging people and pin-pointing people in their blog when they are not even involved or not even supposed to make any comments about others' lives, thoughts, feelings & words? Why are they being such busybody?

And why do people blog for people to read? For me, I don't blog for anyone. This blog is meant for my eyes, my thoughts, my feelings. I blog for myself. Because I like to type out my thoughts & I don't care if anyone reads as long as they keep their bloody comments to themselves and mind their own business. Seriously, humans can complain this, complain that, about their life, work, society, everything! Humans can complain how busy they are, how stupid this is, how stupid that is, how little these things are to them, so "boliao" and yet they can come and busybody about others' lives and what they think, what they feel and what they blog about. Then they will say this person blog like that very what what what and go yada yada about this and that about how they think people should not type like this and why they do this and why they do that. If they don't read what they don't like to read, won't it make their lives easier?

If Person A wants to know about Person B, then Person A should ask Person B. Why must Person A ask Person C who is a friend of Person B? Like example if someone wants to know about me, then the person should ask me and not ask my friend or even best friend what. So what if we are friends or best friends? My friends are not me. My best friend is not me.

Then if someone wants to know about my relationship between me and my boyfriend, then the person should ask me or my boyfriend and not ask my friends or even my best friend what. So what if we are friends? So what if she is my best friend? I am not dating her. How in the world would she know about my relationship?

I am proud of my relationship so I talk about how we love each other, what we do, how happy we are spending time together, how we are ALWAYS together because that's what comes into my head, thats what I feel, thats what I think; and I blog what I think about and how I feel. There is no reason to boast to other people about how happy my relationship is or try to add salt to wounds of people who don't have a relationship or who don't have a happy relationship what. If in your head you only have this perception, then I think you gotta do something to change that. Everybody who has a relationship should be proud of it. People who are not in a relationship should feel positive about it and love might be just around the corner. As for people who are not in a happy relationship, then do something about it and work it out together or just let go and search for your own happiness. What is wrong about people writing about their feelings? What is wrong about people penning down their loves and feelings? We are all human beings, I am a human being too. I too have feelings. I can't show it? I can't show my feelings by writing them down? By penning down my thoughts? For me to reminisce? Frankly, I read my archives almost like 3 times a week.

I will not change the way I blog or stop blogging or stop talking about anything that anyone don't like, here. I'll continue writing like I used to. Because that is what my blog is to me. And I am not trying to tell my readers anything and I am not getting any message across to them. I don't even say like "sorry for the lack for updates/sorry for not updating" or "dear/hi readers" or "stay tuned for updates/pictures". I got ask anyone to read meh?

And, who doesn't curse and swear? I think everybody should ask themselves that. Don't tell me you never curse anyone before? Don't tell me you never swear at anyone before? I curse at people because I believe they will get retribution in future, for what they do/are doinghave done. I also will have my retribution. So I don't steal people's handphones or keep it like it's mine. Because I don't want my things to be stolen. Everybody is selfish one lah. Is only the extent. I am very selfish lor I think. My heart also very small. Because I cannot tolerate some actions and I will just say. I don't care about other people's feelings. I don't care what will people think about what I write or what will happen to them. Not because I don't care about the consequences. Is they got think about other people's feelings before they care about their own or not? You don't want that to happen to you, you don't do it. You want to do it, then don't be afraid to let people know or say.

Hating is actually very tiring. Need to use brain cells and your heart and blood and energy and everything. I only know I currently HATE my leg nia. I am still limping! I also kinda HATE work. Because I HATE waking up early. Walao.. Wake up when the sky is not even bright yet and by the time I knock off, sky also turn dark alr. I don't get to enjoy the sunlight man! Weekends are my only happy times. Talking about weekends, its approaching! Means I'm seeing my monster soon. Yay!

I won't say monster and I will be together forever. But I will love him for as long as I can and as long as I have a heart, it will always be full of love for him. He is not the perfect man for me, but I am contented with what I have. Monster has been so nice. And his calls in the morning made my days. His voice is like my energy breakfast! I feel so full of energy and motivation to come to work and embrace every day! But of course still got unwilling to go to work lah. But like bff says, if Monday don't come, Tuesday won't come too. So I must look forward to everyday because every day means every next day is coming!

But even though I am so happily in love right now and immensed in the pool of happiness, I do wonder how long we'll last. But monster gives me the confidence to hold on. And we will hold on for as long as we can because he says we can work it out together and not make it end. Let's work hard together. I love you just the way you are. <3

Shit, I just lied. I don't just hate my leg and hate waking up early to work today. I hate somebody too. I wonder if that person will bring screwdriver to screw me. Don't know if screw is provided in the package. Cause I don't know where to buy screw at my workplace.

With lots of love.
For my monster only! :)

i love monsters

2009-07-13T23:41:00.002+08:00

my darling is a monster, only him & i knows why. i couldnt slp last night coz i couldnt get used to slping without him after spending almost 3d2n frm fri evening to sunday evening. every time have to watch him leave, have to part every sunday, heartbreaking. i know we'll pull thru. even until now, im still trying to get used to it. don understand why thr are ppl who give up halfway and brk up w the guys while they are serving ns. they are having a hard time too. of course we will pull thru. coz i miss him & i know he is missing me too. bmt must b damn tough. :(

ankle's xray report was out this afternoon. nurse called me and said results normal, so i guess no prob. but idk why after 1 week it still hurts. i still cant walk down the stairs properly and it still hurts a lot once i start walking a little dist. plus standing on trains and buses, have to balance on my right leg. i hope it recovers soon. cant wait to go kite flying w the monster. today i jump into the train at bv station. coz the ppl alighting so i had to w8 for them to come out then i can board. but the stupid driver so fast press door closing, i go in half only the door close! i jumped in and i forgot abt my ankle for a second and ouch. super sharp pain for lik 5 mins before it starts to go off a lil bit. :(

love is all around.
i am in love, she is in love, he is in love, they are in love. we're all in love. love's wonderful! love is in the air! we love to love! & i love my monster darling! <3

<3

2009-07-12T10:48:00.004+08:00

life's good. darling booked out on thurs night cause of new recruits enlisting on fri. damn happy, glad he can have more rest at home - more decent rest. spent 2 nights w him, damn happy too. :) shopping yesterday, got black pants & sandals. i love u darling, thanks for shopping w me. <3

ankle's still swollen, i wonder when it will heal. so i still cant wear shoes from e time being.

shrek?

2009-07-08T22:18:00.002+08:00

visited the sinseh again today w jiahui. the sinseh said lots of stuff, which i forgot almost immediately. because i was too occupied being scared while she was pushing and pulling my foot and twisting here and there. now jiahui says my left foot looks like shrek's. its still swollen. :( i wish darling was here.